Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Admit it!! I know you've done it!

My last blog post was kind of a downer for me. I'm not going to focus my energy on Mr. Shit-for-brains today. Today is going to be about laughter. I'm letting it all hang out.. screw it!

On with the subject for today. I've noticed that most women will not admit to certain "not so ladylike" activities. I guess it's the way that most of us girls were brought up. Take for instance, peeing in the shower. Most women presented with the question "Have you ever peed in the shower" answer like this.

Oh my, heavens no!

Come on girls... admit it! You know you've done it at least once in your life!!

I've peed in the shower before. There, I admitted it!!

Was I going to get out of a nice warm shower, walk clear across the bathroom, drip water all over the place (while freezing my ass off), sit down on the toilet while my ass is slipping back and forth on the toilet seat just to take a pee? Hell no!

Sure.. I could have dried myself off, but damn it.. I had to pee NOW! So sue me!

Men don't have any problem admitting it.

Then you have the whole farting issue. I know some people even have a problem with the word fart. Flatulence, fanny bubble, fecal cloud, cushion creeper, butt trumpet, back draft.. no matter what you call it, it's still just a fart to me.

I was working with a girl a few years ago who was presented with the question, "Have you ever farted." (When you work in a male dominated field they have fun asking questions like this). I do have to mention that before they presented the question to her they had already asked me the same question and she didn't know it. Of course my answer was "yeah, what of it?" But anyway.. the girl answered with a resounding "NO!" Well, the men ate that up. They were on her relentlessly. Come on... it is physically impossible to never fart. Women fart just as much as men. It's just that men take more pride in it than women do.

I've had my fair share of sphincturbulence. It always happens at the most inopportune times too. I hate that! I can remember being at jury duty one time, my stomach was growling, I had to fart, I ended up with a tickle in my throat and began coughing. What a fucking day!

And don't tell me that you've never itched your ass. I don't care how prissy and sweet you are, you've had an itch there at some point in your life! You did the same thing I did. You looked both ways to make sure no one was looking, grabbed your husbands toothbrush, and took care of that itch. Oh, that was too gross even for me.... I might not have used his toothbrush, but damn it I took care of that itch.

I guess what I'm trying to say with this less than savory blog post is.. be free girls. You're only human.

Say it loud and proud.........

"Yeah, I fart. What of it?"

"Yeah, I pee in the shower. Got a problem with that?"

and finally.. "Yeah, I itch my ass. And if you don't like it.. PISS OFF!"


Hillbilly Duhn said...

I haven't visited in a while, but holy crap, holy crap, holy crap!

YEST I'VE PEED IN THE SHOWER! Though I don't now cause hubs and I take showers together and though he doesn't have any qualms about peeing while I'm in there, I do. I don't know why, but, when alone, you betchya!
YES I'VE SCRATCHED MY ASS! When it iches, it iches. I'm not going to take the trip to wipe, like my hubs does...

I loved this post!! Pictures are hilarious!!!

~Thought's By Dena~ said...

yay you are back!!! and just as funny as ever!!!!

I fart...just not around anyone...and yes I scratch...but I can honestly say I havent peed in the shower...am I missing out on something here...hehe

welcome back to bloggy land!


Hillbilly: You are my kind of woman!! You go girl!! Let er rip! You covered all the bases. I am soo very proud of you.

Dena: Hahaha! I love the .. "I fart.. just not around anyone." You are too cute. But We've got to work on the peeing in the shower. I read on your last blog post that you're going to be drinking a lot more water. So I'm thinkin' that maybe... just maybe.. Dena is not going to make it to the toilet during one of her upcoming showers. Keep us posted Dena! Heheee!

blognut said...

I scratch whatever itches when it itches. I fart when it is unavoidable.

However, I do not pee in the shower. I pee BEFORE I get in it.


Tom Bailey said...

Ok you had some VERY funny stuff and some shocking stuff too. I stumbled here and I really enjoyed my visit.

Kindest regards,
Tom Bailey