Saturday, March 7, 2009

Walmart.. the evil empire!

First off, I want to apologize to all of you nice people that take time out of your busy schedules to comment on my blog. I'm usually a very attentive person, but lately I've been so busy that I haven't had a chance to respond. I do appreciate your comments. I think I have a case of A.D.D... my mind is always going a million miles an hour. Either that or I'm fucking crazy.. take your pick. I'm cool with both.

Enough of that... on with the subject for tonight.

Does Walmart have an invisible "asshole vapor" that sprays people directly in the face as soon as they walk into the store? I cannot express to you how much I hate going to Walmart, I avoid it like the plague. From my experiences, people in Walmart are just down right rude! I have to admit, I think that I've actually been misted with the invisible "asshole vapor" too! As soon as I walk in, I turn into an asshole. It's almost as if I'm getting ready for the inevitable to happen, I'm on the denfense. I'm like a friggin' mother bear protecting her cub. Only... my cub is the shopping cart, if you get too close to my cart, you'll be pulling back a nub!

Even nice old ladies seem to turn into lunatics under the Walmart spell! Believe it or not.. I am a very patient and kind person. It takes a lot to get me fired up. You REALLY have to piss me off to get a reaction, and as much as I hate to say this, when I'm in Walmart, I've actually had the urge to run elderly people over with my cart. I've exercised extreme control many times at that damn store. I thought older people would understand what having 'manners' consists of better than anyone could. Take it from my own experience...THEY DON'T! They turn evil... then look at you like you're the asshole.

Have you ever witnessed someone having a mental breakdown trying to pick out hot dogs? I did on Thursday... good grief! I initially went to Walmart to pick up an X-box game for my youngest son. I thought since I was already there, I'd pick up a few groceries. BIG, BIG, MISTAKE! I was making homemade mac & cheese for my boys that day and decided to grab some hot dogs and make those for them too. What the hell was I thinking??? These two women were standing there in front of the hot dogs.. just staring at them. I don't like being rude, so I continued to browse some of the other food items, while giving them ample space to make their decision. They just stood there looking at them.. 5 minutes goes by... 6 minutes goes by... I'm getting a little irritated, but no biggy... they're bargain shoppers, right? 7 minutes goes by... 8 minutes goes by... I'm thinking, What the hell are they looking at??? Did the butcher wrap up his pecker by accident? GEEEEEEESH! I started bargaining with God.... please God, help these women pick out a pack of hot dogs and get me the hell out of this God forsaken place and I promise I'll never swear again!!

To make this very LONG story short, I did manage to get the hell out of there without skinning someones heel with my cart. They're damn lucky too, I'm a pretty good aim with the heel to cart thing. I managed to pick myself up a little treat too. I have to get my strength somewhere!


Scandalous Housewife said...

WalMart sucks. Go to Target!


S-H: Walmart REALLY, REALLY, sucks! I'm thinking of having T-shirts made that say that... I'll be taking orders!

David said...

Much like the indecisive women, I had a guilty debacle at the local Safeway this week. I needed to stock up on TP and I like something nice and soft having no resemblance to tissue paper. I found some but they had that two rolls worth of squares on one tube. That maybe all well and good for most folks but those won't fit in my embedded ceramic tile dispensers - which means I have to use at least a third of the roll before I can put it in a dispenser. So back and forth I go along the surprisingly long TP display trying to find something that meets my needs. AND I'm not yet a geezer...lord knows what awaits me then.

Great post - cheers. I take an XL walmart sucks t-shirt for sure.


David: How dare they mess with your toilet paper needs!! Those bastards! ;) I'll get your Walmart sucks T-shirt ready and I'll even throw in a Safeway sucks T-shirt for free!

Blonde Goddess said...

You're too nice.
A few "Move out of my way or I'll fuck you up you old whores!" will get them to move every time.

No need to thank me. I'm always happy to help a friend in need.

~Thought's By Dena~ said...

Trying going late at night...we finally decided to do this over the week-end it was nice to not have to deal with a hundred people in the way....only thing was the creepy stock boys were there stocking the shelves all I have to say about that one is I could clearly see why they work the late night shift...YIKES....but all in all I had no ass holes to contend with and was able to get in and out of there no problems!!!!
but hey Ill take a couple wal-mart sucks t-shirts!!!!!


Blonde Goddess: You crack me up! The next time I have that problem at Walmart I'll take your advise. I won't even pretend like I suffer from turrets syndrome, I'll just let it fly! OLD WHORES!

Dena: I agree with you about going to Walmart at night. I don't know why I don't learn my lessons easily. Why do I put myself through it? I have your T-shirt ready, wear it with pride. :)

Nishant said...

I'm thinking of having T-shirts made that say that... I'll be taking orders!
Work from home India

Walmart India said...

Walmart India is spreading its dark reign in this country by every means of manipulation they have at their disposal. They have hacked my blog when i only wrote 5 blogs against them. This has shown me that they will do any thing to hide their evil, and destroy our lives for their personal profit. The people are awakning to the evil mind that runs the show from behind, and these monsters will not last forever. They will face the wraith of justice, and it will be a swift end for them.