Thursday, February 12, 2009

Unwanted Visitor


While chilling out in my chateau,
I sat there sipping a warm cocoa.
Content & happy,
everything was rich.
But it all ended,
in walked the bitch!

Her mere presence caused me pain.
She Mocked...
She laughed...
at my sudden weight gain.

She dished out her insults,
like a true cutthroat.
"Your ass is as big as your uncles houseboat!"

I felt ill, from all the strain.
Oh no, Here it comes,
the dreaded migraine.

I begged...
I pleaded...
"Why won't you leave?"
She sneered...
feet planted...
I began to heave.

"How long will you be staying?" I said with a squeak.
"Will it be just like last month,
approximately one week?"

Handing out torture,
she was a true expert.
Before I knew it,
my tits started to hurt.

My mood changed...
My anxiety...
Now that was the worst.
Before I knew it,
I had an angry outburst.

My husband, the target,
I called him a slob.
I heard myself yelling...

My children, poor things,
they were caught off guard.
They saw me hit the mailman,
while yelling "RETARD!"

It felt like forever,
would her visit ever end?
How could anyone like her,
or call her their "little friend?"

Finally it was over,
she bid me farewell.
She stopped to shakes hands,
with my bearded clam shell.

My family and I,
we were feeling gung-ho.
We yelled out the window,
"See you next month Aunt Flo!"

Don't look at me that way!! I never said I was good at writing



Blonde Goddess said...

That menses poem ROCKS! Thankfully my "friend" visited a couple of weeks ago.
Can you imagine what it would be like for me to deal with that now on top of the other issues I'm having.
I'd end up in prison...

Jade Bordeaux said...

I'm so bitchy right now, I could complain about winning the's PMS, and so I saw a blog about Griping...Sounded like good stuff at the time. WELL IT IS! LOVE THE POEM!


Blonde Goddess: OMG, with what you've been going through I can only imagine!! Hahaha!

Jade: I'm with ya! I'm glad you enjoyed my attempt at being poetic!

blognut said...

This was funny. I need you to write one for me because mine has been lasting 22 days. I am on a schedule exactly the opposite of normal women. Dammit!


Blognut: Hahahaha! Now that IS something to gripe about! Wow! I'd have to title that poem...
"22 days in hell!"

Susan said...

OK, You had me - was thinking it was your mother in law or something. Whew. Yeah, I hear ya on this one.