Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Who the hell comes up with this sh*t?

I'm fired up today and ready to go people. You better hold on to your seats because I'm about to let loose... so if you look up into the sky today and see a strange green mist hovering overhead, there's no need to fear. What you are experiencing is just the result of a "Need To Bitch Bubble" that was floating above my head earlier. Needless to say.. it burst.


Right now you are stuck with me.... So at least do me the courtesy of hearing me out.




Today I'm going to bitch about discuss a few products that make me ask the question... "Who the hell comes up with this shit?"






First on my list of stupid products is the infamous Snuggie.



The first time I saw this infomercial... My jaw dropped in shock, I was incapacitated and speechless. I sat quietly... staring at the television set in disbelief! As the infomercial came to an end. I turned... slowly... and uttered the words.."What the F*ck was that??"

Here are a couple of reasons why I think the snuggie is a bad idea: (As if I really need to explain why)

1. If you are an elderly gentleman, you could quite possibly end up looking like a deranged monk! Note the upper left hand corner of the picture.

2. If your family attended a sporting event wearing "The Snuggie" .. chances are you would be very grateful that it gave you that "hands free" advantage. You'd be needing it after a very angry anti-snuggie mob (that I gathered) started ripping that god-awful garment off your back.

3. You look like a f*cking idiot!!!! Note upper left, right, and lower left, right hand corners of the picture.





Second on my list of stupid products is the disgusting Ped Egg




Glorified cheese grater with added sandpaper attachment?? You be the judge.


On the up side... if you're running short on Parmesan cheese, no need to disappoint your dinner guests. I know something that could fit the bill in a pinch. Note the upper right hand corner of the picture.





Third on my list of stupid products (just because of the name) is PediPaws




I for one can't understand why they called the product PediPaws.


Tell me if I'm wrong... The product was made for your Pet....

Note the happy dog and the "what the hell are you looking at" cat in the upper left hand corner of the picture.


...and it was designed to file down the nail, so it wouldn't actually cut into your animal and damage the skin.. right??



Therefore.. the product should have been called the PetiFile.




Silence..




Silence..




Silence..





OOPS!!! I get it now, my bad.







Fourth on my list of stupid products... the HD Vision WrapAround sunglasses




These glasses were designed to fit right over your prescription glasses. The glasses have also been known to give the wearer special abilities... Such as heat sensing. When the wearer slides the glasses on, heat sensing pits located in front of the eyes are used to detect warm-blooded pedestrians. A blindfolded HD wearer can still strike a pedestrian accurately, and it's all due to the remarkable sensitivity of these HD WrapArounds.





YEAH RIGHT....






I hate to burst your bubble if you think you look good wearing these glasses






To the rest of the world... you really look like this!





So on that note.. I shall leave you, I am now feeling stress-free and that green mist that was hovering in the heavens will likely dissipate.



Until next time, don't ever be afraid to "get your bitch on!"





5 comments:

Just A Chic... said...

The Pedipaws thing seems like it would actually be kind of useful. When my mutt used to live with us I certainly would have used it.

The Snuggie perturbs me because I have 2 seven year olds that think it's the greatest invention since apple pie. Everytime the commercial comes on I hear "MOM!!! Can I have a Snuggie for my birthday? Plea-ssssssssse"

The egg is...uh...well, I have an 'egg', but it's not that kind of egg. Hehe I just wouldn't use it. My feet don't need to be sanded down often and when they do I'm happy to pay the philipino lady at the nail salon to do it.

What was left? The glasses. Yeah...NOT.

I get irritated by all the kitchen products my man INSISTS we HAVE to get. The Eggstractor. Yep. Used once. It suck donkey balls. It's still in it's original box stuffed in the top of the cabinets.

Blonde Goddess said...

Too funny!

ON the snuggie commercial it shows a grown man wearing the snuggie at a sporting event.
Yeah right!

Great post!

Susan said...

That was HYSTERICAL! My husband told me if I ever felt compelled to buy a SNUGGIE he would divorce me. I told him he had that absolute right, and if he didn't leave me I would be concerned. I can't write anymore because the whole "ped-egg" think makes me puke in my mouth just a bit. Fucking gross.

THE DAILY GRIPE said...

Girls.. I think we've got ourselves an "antiSnuggie" mob!

Grab the torches!

ModernMom said...

When I first say the snuggle blanket ad I thought it was a joke! Was is part of Saturday Night Live?? Too funny!