To scoop or not to scoop, that is the question

To scoop or not to scoop, that is the question;
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous shit piles,
Or to take arms against a sea of dog turds,
And by opposing, end them.

I am having a REAL problem right now. This winter has been brutal around these parts. Tons of snow, -10 degree temperatures... which prevented me from being able to keep up on the pooper scooping front. Much to my dismay, we had a sudden heat wave... 40 + degrees for about a week now. So I got the bright idea, since the temperature went up, to go outside and clean the yard up a bit. Happily I skipped outside, not needing a coat, and feeling quite chipper..... until I looked down..

My happy outing turned into a nightmare. It seems as if every square foot of my yard is covered in SHIT! Frantic, I grab my scooper, and began the arduous task.

Scoop....

Walk to the bottom of the hill.....

Throw......

Walk back up the hill.....

Scoop......

Walk to the bottom of the hill.....

Throw.....

Walk back up the hill.....

After about 45 minutes of this I had to go inside and grab my inhaler because my asthma was acting up. Sheer exhaustion or shit fumes?? Who knows! A little bit of both I'd say.

I had no choice but to give up. I really didn't want my husband to have to dial 911.

Operator: "911, what is your emergency?"

My Husband: "My wife.. she's not breathing, she seems to have been overcome by shit fumes!"

Operator: Stay calm sir! What I need you to do is to roll her over onto her side."

My Husband: "OK, ummm wait, God damnit, I just stepped in a pile of shit! Hold on, hold on, I'm getting it. OK, she's on her side."

Until I start to feel better, the rest of the shit in the yard is going to have to wait. Actually, I think I have a better idea... I'm going to put THE DOGS to work SCOOPING THEIR OWN SHIT! Both of my dogs better thank the Lord that they weren't born with opposable thumbs.

This bitch session was brought to you by: THE DAILY GRIPE